"There are three kinds of pianists: Jewish pianists, homosexual pianists, and bad pianists." — Vladimir Horowitz

Let's test that maxim!

Horowitz himself was Jewish, of course. No doubt about that. And he was very likely homosexual... there is enough evidence out there to suggest it, but we will leave that for our non-existent colleagues at GayOrNotGay.com. Still, he checks the Jewish box, so no need to explore further.

Feel free to play along, but here are some famous pianists:

Arthur Rubinsein: Jewish

Emil Gilels: Jewish

Benjamin Britten: Gay

Billy Joel: Jewish

Michael Feinstein: Jewish

Liberace: Gay

Martha Argerich: Jewish

Myra Hess: Jewish

Van Cliburn: Gay

Vladimir Ashkenazy: Jewish

Marvin Hamlisch: Jewish

Elton John: Gay

Artur Schnabel: Jewish

Leonard Bernstein: Jewish and gay

So, if you play the piano, and you're not Jewish, and you're not gay...

Good luck?