Sports journalists are being replaced by robots. It's sad, but true: computer software is now being used to write game reports.

So we're gonna get ahead of the curve: create our own software to write profiles. And what better place to start than the world of sport! Our robot has written profiles for football, baseball, basketball, hockey, and soccer!

Unless you closely follow professional football, you probably haven't heard of Ali Marpet. He is a rather useful role player who plays offensive line for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Last year, Marpet played in 16 games and scored 0 touchdowns. He is known for his run blocking.

Unless you closely follow Ali Marpet, you wouldn't think that he is Jewish. Well, he is! Marpet's family comes from New York. He is one of few Jewish players in the NFL.

Oy, vey! What a surprising Jew!

Well, looks like we're out of a job. Joke's on you, robots: it doesn't pay a cent!