Sports journalists are being replaced by robots. It's sad, but true: computer software is now being used to write game reports.

So we're gonna get ahead of the curve: create our own software to write profiles. And what better place to start than the world of sport! Our robot has written profiles for football, baseball, basketball, hockey, and soccer!

Unless you closely follow professional baseball, you probably haven't heard of Danny Valencia. He is a rather useful role player who plays third base for the Seattle Mariners. Last year, Valencia played in 130 games and scored 72 runs. He is known for his versatility.

Unless you closely follow Danny Valencia, you wouldn't think that he is Jewish. Well, he is! Valencia's family comes from Miami. He is one of few Jewish players in MLB.

Oy, vey! What a surprising Jew!

Well, looks like we're out of a job. Joke's on you, robots: it doesn't pay a cent!