If you decided to watch "Top Gun: Maverick", and thought to yourself...

There is your first mistake. Don't think!

Did you think when you watched "Top Gun"? Of course not! You just enjoyed it for the stupid fun that it was. (Or didn't enjoy it? We're going on record that it's vastly inferior to its own parody, "Hot Shots!")

So just sit down, turn off your brain, and try to enjoy two hours of nostalgia, 60-year-old Tom Cruise somehow still on top of his game, quarter-Jewish Miles Teller as Goose's son Rooster, and perhaps the worst plot contrivance since the data port in "Independence Day"...

AAARGHHHHH! We can't not think! Feel free to stop reading if you haven't seen the movie, because a spoiler is coming. We warned you!

Late in the movie, Maverick and Rooster find themselves behind enemy lines. They find an UNGUARDED, FUELED, LOADED F-14, which they use to escape. They literally just walk into a hanger and take off in a fighter jet. No one baits an eyelash until they are in the air!

It's best not to think...