The profile of goyishe snowboarder Sage Kotsenburg, written during our Olympic binge of 2014, ends with the following sentence: "Maybe if he was a Katzenberg..."

During this Olympic binge of 2024, would you take a Katzberg?

Ethan Katzberg! From British Columbia, Canada! A bear of a man at 6'7" (that's over two meters) and 236 lbs (that's over 100 kilos)!

Ethan Katzberg! Who just obliterated the hammer throw competition, winning gold so easily — even his second best throw was two meters ahead of everyone else!

Ethan Katzberg! Who is not Jewish at all...

So, yeah, we would absolutely take a gold-winning Kotsenburg or a gold-winning Katzberg, but unfortunately we can't.

Maybe if he was a Katzenberg...