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    Andrew Zimmern

    Jew Score:



    July 4, 1961 —

    One of the lesser-known rules of Judaism is the Self-Preservation Rule. It basically says, self-preservation above everything else.

    For example, camels are not kosher. But let's say you're on a desert island, and the only thing to eat there are camels. Well, guess what, because of the Self-Preservation Rule, you can eat that delicious, juicy, succulent, but oh so not kosher camel (on an unrelated note, camels: feh). Because surviving is more important than obeying religious laws. See that, Catholic readers? We Jews got some things right, didn't we?

    Of course, some Jews take the rule too far. Let's say you're pregnant and have a craving for a ham and cheese sandwich. Would that fall under the Self-Preservation Rule? Or perhaps under Spousal-Preservation Rule, because if you don't get that ham and cheese sandwich, your spouse is gonna get... it? Not speaking from personal experience, of course.

    And here's something that definitely goes beyond the rule: traveling the world and eating all kinds of meshuggenah stuff for the amusement of a television audience. Stuff like (we wish we were making this up) camel penis. How does Andrew Zimmern justify that, we wonder.

    But not to worry, dear reader. If we were trapped on a desert island and our only option was to either keep kosher and die or preserve ourselves on nothing but camel penis, we'd adhere to the laws of kashrut and end our miserable, dromedary shlong-free lives.

    Cause that's the kind of dedication we have.

    Verdict: Jew.

    June 7, 2010

    See Also

    Michelle Bernstein

    Heston Blumenthal

    Anthony Bourdain

    Don "Moses" Lerman

    Adam Richman
    © Jew or Not Jew, 2006-2024.