Hello, Jews! It is I, Garrett the Internet Gremlin. Long time, no talk!

How is it hanging? Sacrifice any Christian babies recently? I kid, I kid. I kid because I love.

I gotta tell you, Jews, life has been hard for me lately. Ever since your website revealed my doings in the Ben Affleck profile (Come on! Ben Affleck! He is such a believable Jew!), I haven't been able to manufacture Jewish rumors so easily. People keep coming to your damn website! My lies get thrown back into my face! My fellow Internet Gremlins won't even talk to me! (Well, Geoff the Gremlin sometimes does, but he is in charge of Internet insurance scams. I don't want to talk to him.)

How about we make a deal, Jews? I'll make up a Jewish rumor, get it posted to some websites, send a few forwards, and you'll let it slide? Affleck and his ilk are not good enough for you? How about someone you would have loved to be Jewish?! Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space! His Kvelt (Am I pronouncing it correctly?) Score would be through the roof!

Are we good, Jews? Yuri Gagarin: Jewish cosmonaut! Let it ring through the Internet!

Ah, crap. I just looked at the verdict below. Damn it!