We here at JONJ have multiple charitable organizations to which we contribute, in order to help make this a better world for everyone. Today, we'd like to present to you our newest group, one that is dedicated to dealing with a particularly pressing issue. It is our hope that you will agree with the need for this project and, ideally, lend your support.
The Coalition to Get Kate Mara a Sandwich was founded in 2014 with the sole goal of getting a sandwich for actress/celebrity Kate Mara, and, ideally, encouraging her to eat it.
Ms. Mara is the granddaughter of New York Giants owner Wellington Mara and sister to actress/professional weirdo Rooney Mara. You've probably seen her in the first season of House of Cards. You've almost certainly not seen her in the new Fantastic Four movie because, well, almost no one did (including, famously, Ms. Mara).
It is important to note that the CGKMS is not married to any particular sandwich type. Ms. Mara is not Jewish, and thus has no kosher dietary restrictions, but she does claim to be a vegan. Maybe a nice veggie sandwich on ciabatta with roasted eggplant?
Well, frankly, we're OK with whatever Ms. Mara decides. It's clear that she's very very hungry and the CGKMS is dedicated to filling that need, whatever the cost.
Thank you for your time and consideration.