Dear Christians,

I know this website is probably not the best place to reach you, but I might as well try. I got a good rapport with its creators.

Can you stop with the St. Michael crap, Christians? I am not a freaking saint!

You know what my job is? I protect Jews. Read it, it's in the Book of Daniel. That's in the Tanakh. You know, the original five.

But what have you got me doing, Christians? You got me fighting Satan. You got me killing Satan! What the heck, Christians?

All over the world, there are paintings of me and statues of me and basilicas dedicated to me, calling me a saint, showing me slaying Satan! Where do you get that from?

Dear Christians,

I am no saint. I am just Michael, Archangel Michael. I enjoy backgammon, shepherd's pie, and the works of Haruki Murakami. And, yeah, I protect Jews. Not you, Christians.