Oh, the great, powerful, and delicious Flying Spaghetti Monster!

Please forgive us, oh mouthwatering highness, for we are just humble Jews. We do not pray to you, oh scrumptious deity, but we know that many do. And being blasphemous is the last thing on our mind. We're just trying to figure out if you, oh ambrosial holiness, could possibly be Jewish.

So here is a question for you, oh luscious lord: are you kosher? It is the meatballs that concern us; the spaghetti we assume is pareve, but is it possible that your balls are made with pork or another non-kosher meat?

Please give us a sign, any sign, oh savory spirit. Until you do, we will leave you at "Not a Jew" and hope for the best.

Hell, at least you make more sense than the Holy Ghost.