You know what sucks about Christmas? Well, too many things to mention, but you know what REALLY sucks about Christmas? Christmas movies! You can't turn the television on without some Santa- or Jesus-loving schlock being rammed down your throat. HARD PASS.

But what are we to do? It's not like there are any Hanukkah movies! (Here, we conveniently forget about Adam Sandler's animated "Eight Crazy Nights".) Or so we thought...

Apparently, the Hallmark Channel, front and center of Christmas schlock, has moved on Hanukkah as well. Starting two years ago, they have released one Hanukkah movie per year. Gotta get those Jews to watch the Hallmark Channel, right?

The first such film, "Love, Lights, Hanukkah!" deals with the story of a young woman name Christina (oh-oh!) who takes a DNA test (how topical!) and finds out (horror of horrors!) that she is half Jewish. Considering the woman is played by Mia Kirshner, the surprise should be that she is ONLY half Jewish. In any case, the now-unfortunately-named Christina finds her birth family and learns to "love" and embrace "lights" and "Hanukkah"!

HARD PASS.