Barbara Walters. Media icon. Television pioneer. Senator's paramour. We were lucky enough to have her sit down with us for a small, entirely fictional, chat.

JONJ: Barbara, we were surprised to find out that you were Jewish.

Well, my pawents wewe Jewish, but my fathew left the weligion and became an atheist. We nevew celebwated the holidays, nevew went to a Passovew sedew.

JONJ: So, do you consider yourself a Jew?

I do.

JONJ: If you were a tree, what kind would you be?

You know, I nevew asked that question. When Kathawine Hepbuwn said she would like to be a twee, what I asked was...

JONJ: Sure, we believe you. That said, if you were a tree, what kind would you be?

... a sibewian fiw.