"Today on Jerry Springer...

He is a carpenter... She is his lovely wife-to-be... And she is pregnant!"

(Audience) OOOOOOH!

"And guess what? It's NOT his!"

(Audience) JE-RRY! JE-RRY!

"We're here with Joseph of Nazareth. How are you today, Joseph?"

"Not too well, Jerry, not too well. My bride, my beautiful Mary, told me last week that she is with child... and it's not mine..."

"You didn't take it too well, did you?"

"No, not at first. I'm just a carpenter, Jerry, not much prospect for finding a good wife... But when Mary walked into my life... It was perfect! She was a virgin! She took me for who I am! She didn't even mind when I came home from work late... Those benches don't make themselves, Jerry!"

"So how did you react when she told you?"

"I was mad at first... But then I realized that I still love Mary, and I will raise the child as my own... It's the least I can do for all the love she's given me..."

(Audience) AWWWWWWWWW!

"Well, we have a surprise for you, Joseph! Here she is... Mary!"

(Audience) BOOOOOOO!

"And walking onto stage with her, the father, the one she cheated on you with... G-D!"

(Audience) JE-RRY! JE-RRY! JE-RRY!