What is Punch-Out? Well, if you haven't played the game, Nintendo's Punch-Out puts players in the shoes of the young, talented Little Mac, beating up blatant racial stereotypes in an attempt to win the world boxing title.
Yes, really. G-d Bless Japan. In any case, the game was just re-released for the Wii and it made us wonder: With so many borderline bigoted portrayals, where's the Jew?
Let's pretend to be organized and do this all alphabetical-like (with an assist from The Nintendo Wiki):
Aran Ryan is a "crafty, cheating Irishman"
Bald Bull is Turkish and charges at you
Bear Hugger is the Canadian champion who "lives in the woods and trains with a bear"
Disco Kid is black (he's basically Billy Blanks)
Don Flamenco is Spanish and tells us not to mess with his hair
Glass Joe is a Frenchman who falls down after one hit (seriously, you can't make stuff like this up)
Great Tiger is Indian and uses magic
King Hippo is an overweight Pacific Islander who can't keep his pants from falling down
Mr. Sandman is black (he's from Philly. Is he Black Rocky?)
Piston Honda is Japanese and donates his winnings to his community
Super Macho Man is white and from California. He'd be a possibility except no Jew has ever been referred to as Super Macho, so he's out.
Soda Popinski (formerly Vodka Drunkenski) is a Russian with a drinking problem
Von Kaiser is German and likes to shine his boots
Let's all say it together now: Yes, really. In any case, how is it that Little Mac fights so many other groups, but not Jews? Isn't the game just begging for a Torah Matzoh character or something?
There's only one possible explanation. Only one that explains the exploits of a character who fights so many historic Jewish enemies. For if Mac stands for anything, shouldn't it stand for Maccabee?
That's right, people, we're going there. Little Mac?