"Bubbes and zadehs, the moment you've been waiting for is here... WJEW, Jew or Not Jew Radio! WJEW is brought to you by Rocks! You can cut with them, cook with them, do just about whatever you need to with them. Rocks — they're not just for breakfast anymore!

"Tonight, we talk to one of the most controversial (and hairy) figures throughout the Torah, yes it's Esau! Esau, welcome to the program, it's an honor."

"Actually, I'm kind of in a rush. Y'see I'm supposed to be getting my birthright from my father, Isaac, this afternoon and I don't want to be late. Can we do this after?"

"Oh, well, this will only take a moment. And we've come so far just to talk to you!"

"It's just that I've been waiting for this for a long time. That birthright... I mean... the sheep alone are probably worth a couple a million shekels. Plus, my dad said once I have the birthright I can marry my cousin Leah and... wooo... let me tell you, that woman is a fox!"

"What is five minutes really going to do, seriously?"

"Yeah... OK... I guess it couldn't hurt...."

"That's the spirit! So, Esau, the moment of truth: Are... you... Jewish?"

"Huh? What is Jewish?"

"Y'know, Jews! Israelites! The Hebrews? The Children of Abraham?"

"Oh! Oh yeah. Abraham is my grandfather. What does that have to do with... Oh no. Look, I'd better get going..."

"Just one moment more, we have a question about back hair... Huh. He's gone. Well that was rude. Seriously, what difference was five minutes gonna make?"

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Hm. Oh well. Ummmmm, for more of the Who in Hebrew, join us next time on WJEW!"